Sometimes we have those experiences that stick with us, even weeks later. That’s what happened here. I still remember the day, the child, and the moment my thinking changed.
It was late one afternoon and we were getting ready to tidy up. We probably should have started earlier, but there was so much great learning happening that we waited until the last minute. Moments before we were about to begin, one student got upset. She had an argument with some friends, and while we tried to give her space, offer hugs, and talk her through it, she was not calming down. She continued to cry. Even giving her the option of a drink, which tends to help soothe her, did nothing for her today. This child just stood in the middle of the floor and cried.
We decided to start cleaning up, with the hope that we could encourage her to join in. She’s wonderful at tidying up, loves to pick songs for our Dance Tidy, and often seems happy during the process. Today though, when the cleaning started, we noticed her walk quietly into the back cubby area. We took a look, and she was just sitting on the bench back there, so we didn’t say anything. We just let her be.
This was a hard one for me. We’ve spoken to our students a lot about when to go into this cubby room, and about the importance of letting us know when they head there: we want to ensure that they’re always safe. This child didn’t say anything, and she didn’t go there in order to pack up her backpack or get ready for home. But with the urgent need to tidy up and the knowledge that she was safe, I resisted the urge to say anything to her.
About 10 minutes later, I took the first group of students back into the cubby room to pack up for home. As soon as I walked back there, I saw her packing up her bag and putting on her coat. She smiled at me and came up to give me a hug. I asked her why she came back here, and she said, “I needed space. I feel much better now, Miss Dunsiger.” I will admit that I was about to lecture this five-year-old on the importance of not leaving the classroom and telling an adult when she wanted to go back into the cubby room, but I stopped myself. Why? Because I think that this child used this space to self-regulate. She knew that she needed a quiet area, and with a busy classroom during tidy-up time, she knew that it couldn’t be there. She found the space, she took the time, and she soothed herself. There’s something so wonderful about this that I want to celebrate despite some of my reservations.
I continue to think about our classroom design. We are connected to another classroom with no door between us. Both classrooms share the cubby space. With 65 JK/SK children between these two rooms, there is always noise, and even with some blocked off areas in the classroom, some spaces on the floor, and a few nooks in which to escape, it’s hard to find quiet. It’s hard to find space.
A post shared by Aviva (@avivaloca) on Aug 30, 2016 at 1:48pm PDT
This child knew that and created both “quiet” and “space” when she needed it most. How can we support this, while also ensuring student safety? Do we all sometimes need the “space” that this child found, and just like with her, is it important that we take it? As an educator, I worry about “students hiding,” but as a Self-Reg advocate, I have to applaud what this JK student did. What I viewed as “hiding,” she viewed as “calm”: maybe it’s time for a reframe.
74 Comments
Seeing the environment as the third teacher is very important. Great reflection of this
Thanks for the comment, Sara! I would love to hear about how others view the environment as the third teacher and the connections to Self-Reg.
Aviva
I see the environment and class room materials as a teaching tool. They help children learn their limits, cause and effect, social skills such as the store or house center. I try super hard to make the environment of my classroom as interactive as possible.
Thanks Tammy! Your comment about the environment and classroom materials as “teaching tools” is an interesting one. Could you expand on some of the ideas in your list (e.g., “helping children learn their limits”). I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
I sometimes work with Tammy and have a good understanding of their room. Tammy’s program allows children to be active participants in their program and they develop their environment as a third educator to support emerging interests and plans of the children, as well as encouragement to take initiative and support others who may not have as much knowledge of a subject (example, children lead dinosaur experiences to support learning/engagement of younger peers). By allowing children to make important decisions with and about resources/materials and their environment they learn what they are capable of and where they still need support from educators. they are active participants on the development of program and participation. They do AMAZING work
This is fantastic to hear, Mikala! It sounds like an absolutely magical space. I wish that I could see it in action. It sounds like the environment might also play an important role in Self-Reg. What do you think?
Aviva
Like you said, if they are safe, I think it is a great idea. Sometimes in my classroom I have friends who come to me and tell me that the friends are being too loud and then I try to get my friends to bring down the volume a bit by explaining it to them.
Thanks for sharing your experience! What helps with bringing down the volume? I wonder if this is also connected with Self-Reg. Thoughts?
Aviva
I completely agree with you. The environment truly acts as a “third teacher” in the classroom. Thoughtfully arranged spaces and materials invite children to explore, problem-solve, and learn naturally through play. Whether it’s discovering cause and effect with open-ended materials or developing social skills in dramatic play areas like the store or house center, the setup makes such a powerful difference.
I also appreciate how intentional you are about creating an interactive environment. When children feel curious and engaged by what surrounds them, learning becomes meaningful and joyful rather than forced. It’s inspiring to see how much care you put into making your classroom a space where children can thrive.
Thanks for your comment! I think it’s really important to consider the environment as the third teacher. I wonder if we would see this even more, if more of us also chose to explain some of our more intentional choices. Does this help others view these choices differently? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Aviva
I think it is important to have a area in the classroom or off to the side between rooms for children to calm down when feeling overwhelmed and stressed to help them self-regulate and feel safe
Thanks for your comment, Melodie! How might we create these areas with kids? What might be the impact of doing so?
Aviva
This experience powerfully illustrates the idea of the environment as the third teacher. The child’s choice to retreat into the cubby room was not an act of avoidance, but rather an intentional use of space to meet her emotional need. In this moment, the environment became a co-regulator, offering her what the adults could not: a sense of calm, privacy, and safety. It reminds us that children often have an intuitive understanding of how to use their surroundings for self-regulation if we step back and allow them the autonomy to do so.
What this calls us to consider is how we design spaces with regulation in mind. In classrooms with constant movement, sound, and stimulation, children need more than open floor areas or defined learning centers, they need intentional, accessible “pause points” that invite them to step away without stigma. This is not about hiding, but about building a culture where regulation is normalized and supported. When we view space as a responsive partner in children’s learning, we shift from controlling where children “should” be to trusting where they need to be. In doing so, we nurture independence, resilience, and a deeper respect for children as capable co-constructors of their learning environment.
Thanks for your comment, Nellyn! I love your take on this. What are some classroom designs that you have noticed that help support this? Are there other things that you would consider? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
As educators it’s very important that we know when to intervene and when to let go and let the children Self-Reg.
Thanks Edem! I’d be curious to hear more about how you help determine which choice to make. This can be so hard at times.
Aviva
Good point Edem!!
It crucial to know when step in or not to help children self-regulate as sometimes they need to do it on their own and we could make things worse.
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It can be the complete opposite the children may need a bit of guidance or reassurance to help them self-regulate.
Melodie, these are some interesting points. I wonder if this is the difference between Self-Reg and co-regulation. What do you think?
Aviva
I absolutely agree with the teachers ability to see what this individual child needed at that exact moment, and chose to let the child focus on their unique needs through self regulation. Discussions about safety/leaving the classroom without permission can be had after the child is in a better frame of mind. This was a learning opportunity for both the child and the teacher. 🙂
Thanks Amy! You make a great point about choosing our timing. I’m starting to wonder now if the leaving was unsafe, or instead, a safe space for this child when she felt as she did. What do you think?
Aviva
Thank you for your good information
Thanks for your comment! What really resonated with you here? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
l’environnement de ma classe est super important . Cela défini un peu comment mes observations et comportements des amis seront dans la journée alors j’y travail a tous les jours . Une chose qui est important que j’ai remarque toujours avoir un coin calme car j’ai de petits aims qui aime etre dans leur bulle ou juste capable de s’occuper soit meme . Aussi tres important aller dans un coin calme pour s’y reposer au de besoin .
Thanks for sharing, Brigitte! Have you ever had children that find a quiet corner dysregulating? I’ve been thinking about this more as I learn even more about the SELF component of Self-Reg. I’m curious what others think and have experienced.
Aviva
When arranging the class room, I always try to have a small area where children can sit quiet but are still in the classroom seeing everyone. The area is to help the child have a few moments to calm their body and not feel pressured.
Thanks Kelly for your comment! It’s interesting to hear about this space. Do your kids respond well to this space? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
We have a few children that look for this space in the mornings when they arrive. One in particular that does not want any other children looking their way. This gives the child a chance to calm down and join the group when they feel better.
Thanks for sharing! I’m so glad to hear that this space works for your kids if needed.
Aviva
I agree with you 100%. In all my class rooms we have a quiet/reading area with pillows and comfy throws for the children to just curl up and chill when they need to. I just purchased a big fish tank in the preschool room and we are finding that our little friend named Bingo is helping alot of our full energy friends. They sit on the carpet in front of the fish tank and just watch him swim around. Very calming for them. I am in the process to get one for every room.
Thanks for sharing, Marcia! It’s really interesting to find out about the different things that help children feel calm. Just like with adults, it can be so personal. Do you find that too?
Aviva
I enjoyed reading your story, thank you for sharing!! Our after school program is a shared space so it is a bit difficult to set up our own quiet area the way we would like too…however our cubby area is wide open at one end of the room and we have some children go to their cubby when they are upset, not feeling well or just need to be alone and sit under their hanging coat until they are ready to join us again. At first I took it as hiding but quickly learned that they were getting “away” the best they could!
As in many spaces/classrooms the quiet area is still exposed for others to see/look at them, but when they have the ” if I can’t see them ,then they can’t see me” thinking being under their coat this can certainly help them calm/self-regulate themselves !
Thank you so much, Kristy, for sharing your experience! Even though you have less control over the environment, I love how you see the student choices in this way. Your comment makes me think about how maybe what we view as behaviour (e.g., hiding under a coat), might actually be Self-Reg in action.
Aviva
Seeing that the child knew what they needed and to allow for space and use of materials to build a calming space is such a wonderful job done. Using the environment as a thrid teacher for all not just educators, but allowing children autonomy in their space. Way to go amazing
Thanks Mikala! I love how you focused in on the environment and independence. It was amazing to see the impact that this time and space had for this child.
Aviva
La organización de los espacios es una forma de hacer que el niño, niña se comprometa con ellos y se sienta identificado debemos de respetar sus propuestas y decisiones, deben asumir que los espacios son de ellos y para ellos, los adultos que acompañamos debemos de respetar sus decisiones y brindarles soporte emocional seguro creando vínculos de afecto y respeto
Thanks for sharing this, Hilda! What do you think this would actually look like? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
As an Early Interventionist and perviously and Educational Assistant, I have always found the cubby area to a place that a child could to self-regulate. As an EA for 20 years, I always made sure that the teachers I supported know that it was ok I had the child and that they were NOT HIDING… I had a child once that would cry and scream and hit teachers and other children. They would run to the cubby area and I would follow put the shelf across the opening and then sit calmly while they yelled and screamed. It took along time for the child to calm, but I found the quiter and calmer I was, the quiter and calmer she became and then the yelling and scream would not last as long the next time. I really feel like as adults we need to listen more, not only with our ears, but with our eyes as well. We can learn a lot about the child and what they are going through from their nonverbal communication, which is just as important to help them learn to self-regulate. After about a week, this one was able to come to me, I would give them a hug and then they were able to carry on. With patience, calmness and being aware of what you yourself are putting out is huge in helping the child learn to manage themselves. Less is more sometimes.
Thanks for the comment, Sheri! Your point about “listening with your eyes,” is such a great one. I think it speaks to the power of observation. What else might we learn from watching kids closely … and especially watching without just looking to respond?
Aviva
When I first started working as a Supported child development working, the cubby area was used as the self-reg place. At first I found this odd… I didn’t think it was the greatest place, I felt like if the child was upset they should be around the ECE workers and their friends. Then I saw the magic happen… the child that would have melt downs was guided to the cubby area, it was a safe place, the adults could see the child while the children could not. This child would have her sad moment that at first lasted about 20 min.. every day it got shorter and shorter. By day three the melt downs had ended and she was able to work through or self- regulate with what ever was causing her to be upset. It was interesting to observe, especially since I was new to this work. I had always thought children needed us to help them come down to their happy place.. but with guidance this little one was able to self reg on her own.
Thanks for sharing this story, Sharla! You’re really making me think about Self-Reg vs. co-regulation. With the time and space, this child moved to Self-Reg … and the cubby area was a part of that. How wonderful to hear!
Aviva
Having a ‘calm down’ space is something that is an expectation in my school. Does this look the same in each room? No! Why? As educators we need to build relationships with our students and recognise their needs. Sometimes it may be a hidey hole, other times it may be colour and fidget toys, sometimes it may be music or soft furnishings. There are so many great ways to bring these ‘spaces’ into our days. Sometimes I feel like a ticket that tells the teacher the student wants a walk is just as powerful as places within the room itself.
Thanks for your comment, Claire! Your comment has me thinking a lot about the “self” component of Self-Reg, and how a space or activity that might calm one person might dysregulate another. How might we address this in a classroom context? Could we provide different options all within the same classroom space? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Aviva
Creating quiet and calm spaces in the classroom can contribute to a positive learning environment and support students’ well-being and self-regulation.
I totally agree, Patti! What are some ways that you do this? I’d love to hear more!
Aviva
Being an educators building relationships with our students , recognizing their needs are really important. Quiet and calm spaces in the room can lead to well-being and self-regulation.
Thanks for the comment, Aly! What do some quiet and calm spaces look like in your experiences? What are some preferences from students? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I really want to say that you are an amazing teacher. you changed the room setting by your observation. And you willing to put your efferts to make the children in your classroom to have a safe area to meet their needs.
Thanks so much, Vivian! Your kind words mean a lot. What do some “safe areas” look like in your classroom experiences? I would love to hear more!
Aviva
Like Miss Dunsign I have small tent in the corner of our classroom, where my student goes when he gets stressed. Miss Dunsign was very right by not stopping her and to let the child have her own space to self-reg. I’m thinking she got a little stressed about the change in routine perhaps. I know that with my student I have to explain change. such as how much time we have left at recess. Or we will be doing this for 5 minutes more. If I don’t let him know he has a melt down. I always tell him and explain reasoning , so he is able to understand the change.
Thanks for sharing, Yvette! I love how you mentioned preparing kids about changes in routine or time left. I would love to hear more about how others do this.
Aviva
We also use a calming tent in classrooms (Primary School setting) for students who need time to reset before returning to learning. All of our classrooms have toggle areas where students are provided with sensory tools (they have self selected) and posters on the wall with strategies they can use to help them return to their learning zone.
Thanks for sharing, Cindy! Do you find that these strategies work for every child? I’d be curious to hear more about your experiences.
Aviva
I love this! It really shows us that kids also need time to just relaxe and it showed the teacher and others in a way that there’s other ways to calm a child down. As an educator i also try to give them the space they need by also making sure they are safe and giving them a sign that it’s ok to be upset.
Thanks for sharing, Emmy! What does this look like for you? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
What a great share. Thank you
Thanks Leanne! Have you ever had similar experiences? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
This shows the importance of having space where children can have some down time when they don’t feel like they are wanting to participate in the program with other children at the point in time.
Thanks Britta! There is definitely so much value in this. What does this space look like for you?
Aviva
Being a special need ECE we help our children saying I need to be in my bubble, that when we know that the child need a time to himself and a quiet space. And the child will even say to other kids in the class don’t burst my bubble please (mean please get away from me).
Thanks for sharing this! How do you find the other children responding to this request? Has this language helped students find their calm again? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I love this , I have experienced this situation many times and we need to look at are we trying to hepl the child self- reg are our actions more self control. we need to let the child find there calm in order for them to learn
Thanks for your comment, Paulette! I appreciate how you mentioned that you’ve experienced this before. How did you respond? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
A teacher reflects on a student’s self-regulation and the importance of quiet spaces in classrooms.
Thanks for your comment! Thinking about what this teacher shared, what impact might this have on your classroom? I would love to hear what you’ve tried already and what you might consider trying.
Aviva
According to me taking a moment to themselves is also a very important life long self-reg skill that they can learn while sitting and reflecting in the cozy spaces.Here is what we have tried that worked for us,We have a cozy tent with soft cushioning and a sofa, the students can go in at any time to relax and it has helped our students to take a moment whenever they need. The tent is in setup in such a way that we can keep an eye on everyone at the same time. We also have a comfy chair next to our reading corner, and the children love sitting in that space as well.
Thanks for sharing what you do, Navreen. Do you find that this option works for all kids? I’m always curious about kids that might struggle with certain options. What do we do for them? Thoughts?
Aviva
I like it, we need to think more time
Thanks for your comment, Olga! Can you explain your thinking a bit more? I would love to hear your ideas on this!
Aviva
I think that children can self-reg in a classroom where all spaces are created for them. A space for quiet time. A space for gross motor. And a space for fine motor. I believe that children know when their bodies are requiring a specific area at a specific time
Thanks for the comment, Tracy! I love this thinking. It really has me reflecting on the classroom environment and all of the choices we make. What are some areas you have in the classroom to meet these different student needs? I would love to hear more!
Aviva
I think that the child finding a quiet place where she could destress was great. I worry about kids hiding too. Perhaps a padded large box like thing that has privacy and sound reduction??? Ideas
Thanks for your comment, Ingrid! I wonder if students need to be involved in the decision. Would this option work well for some kids and not for others? What do you think? I’m really reminded here of the “self” component of Self-Reg.
Aviva
Thanks for responding Aviva.
Good point. Maybe brainstorming ideas would work.
You’re welcome, Ingrid! I would be curious to hear what they come up with.
Aviva