As I was driving to school today, I was doing a lot of thinking. I really appreciate a longer ride to school, as this is when I have an opportunity to reflect and it’s often when I start to see things differently. Today, my reflections were about students going to the office.
A Positive Place To Be
I appreciate how the office at my school is a positive place for kids to go. My students all love our principal and vice principal, and they often want to connect with them in different ways. For one of my students, the office is the place where he chooses to go when he is sad, scared, angry, or stressed. I have tried to create spaces in the classroom with him to use, and they work sometimes, but none seem to be as good as the office. I was thinking about this recently, as while the office is a positive place for him to go, it often leaves me feeling sad.
Thinking About The “Why?”
As I was driving today, I thought about Stuart Shanker’s focus on the “why.” This had me thinking about something that I have not contemplated before: why does it bother me so much that this child chooses to go to the office? It was my answer to this question that made me uncomfortable: it makes me feel like a failure.
Understanding That It Is Not That
Now I realize that I am not a failure here. I know the value of a safe, quiet space, and the office environment is helping meet this child’s needs. I am so grateful that my principal and vice principal support students and Self-Reg in this way. That said though, there is that little cognitive stressor that is making me ask, ‘why can’t you create this same space?‘
Now What?
Recognizing the stressor is helping me reframe the situation.
- Maybe instead of being upset that he leaves the room, I need to be happy that he has many spaces and people who will support him.
- Maybe instead of being concerned that I can’t solve all problems myself, I need to be grateful to be part of a team who is there for me and my students.
- Maybe instead of viewing this as a failure, I need to see if there is anything that is part of this office environment that can also be part of my classroom one.
The student might still leave, but maybe at other times, he will also stay. This experience is making me think about the past, and when I have felt like a failure. Viewing these feelings instead through the lens of dysregulation and stress, changes my perspective. What about you? It’s interesting how one word — why — can change things so much.
Learn More About Recognizing Stressors:
Blog: Self-Reg: The Basics
Blog: The Multiplying Effects of Stressors
2 Comments
It can be so hard when you are so caring and want the best for your students. This is you! As an educator and person, you put your heart and soul into supporting all your students each and every day.
I appreciate the “why” This is something I need to start asking myself when I feel like I’m failing. Lots to think about
Thank you so much Josie for the comment and the incredibly kind words. They mean a lot!
Stuart Shanker taught me to ask “why,” and on the harder days, I find myself asking this more. It’s interesting how it often helps shift perspective. I hope that you find this same value in asking “why.”
Aviva