When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time sitting at the table after dinner, after everyone else had been excused, staring at a glass of milk I didn’t want to drink. That’s probably when my interest in picky eating started. I now realize that I wasn’t that picky as a...
The more I learn about Self-Reg and the brain/body science of stress, the more I have been struck by the same thought over and over. Self-Reg explains things I’ve sort of known for years, but couldn’t articulate very well. So often I’ve watched children, including my...
I feel like I’m wading into risky territory here, but I want to talk about the concept of safety, in terms of women’s experiences and relationships with men. There is a big-picture aspect to this conversation: safety from sexual assault, sexual harassment and domestic...
One of the biggest challenges in raising kids is learning to parent well—OK, reasonably well—when you’re angry. Raising children is inherently emotional. And that means we’re sometimes parenting under the influence of anger and its cousins – frustration, resentment,...
In a past blog I suggested that the most important single factor in good parenting was not sensitivity, not parenting skills, but support—feeling well supported in your role as parent. Parents who feel well supported tend to parent better. That’s very...
How many times have you really needed and wanted to support a stressed out person, only to find that your supportive words just didn’t do the trick? (Pick me!) I’m sure we’ve all had this experience. It’s not always easy to find the right words to say to someone in...
I recognized the tone of voice right away. My friend Mara* was on the line. (*names changed at family’s request) “How are you doing?” I asked. “I’ve been better,” she replied. Mara’s voice caught a bit on the word better, the clear sign of someone trying to hold it...
As a journalist, researcher and father, I have been studying the fascinating, messy world of child development for 30 years. I’ve had many aha moments, and surprising insights over the years, but in the past five years or so I’ve found that Self-Reg has unlocked...
When people ask me for advice about how to deal with a challenging behavioural issue from a child, I always start with my personal “Rule #1.” Whatever else you do, try not to make it worse. Why? Because if we don’t make it worse, a lot of child behaviours, traits, or...
As most of us know, parenting is an experience in which the learning never stops. Sometimes, the best way to gauge your progress as a parent is to stop and look back at how things used to be — six months or a year ago — and notice how much they’ve changed....
Well, it was yet another amazing Self-Reg Summer Symposium this year! My head is still spinning with some of the things I saw and heard, and the people I met. I wanted to share my thoughts about a couple of ideas that jumped out at me from Stuart’s “Luminary...
Just about three years ago today I stood in a parking lot at Trent University waiting for Susan Hopkins. It was the day before the very first Self-Reg Summer Symposium and Susan and I were about to meet in person for the first time. I’d worked off and on...
I have many reasons to look forward to the Self-Reg Summer Symposium each year. One of them is meeting people: I work on my own out of a home office, so I don’t get the daily face-to-face contact with colleagues and clients that is one of the social benefits...
When I was 21, my buddy Tom and I had this half-baked, youthfully idealistic notion that a lot of the world’s problems and conflicts could be solved if people would just be more playful and have more fun. As I grew older and took on more responsibilities, I gradually...
I have spent almost thirty years writing about parenting. That includes: over 150 magazine articlesmore than a dozen parenting bookletsbrochures, blogs and web contentinterviews with over 100 educators and researchersinterviews with several hundred parentshours of...
Psychiatrist Jean Clinton has been an internationally renowned expert and advocate for children’s mental health for over 30 years. We were thrilled to have Dr. Clinton at our summer symposium once again last summer. In her keynote address, Dr. Clinton drew from her...
When I was a kid I had a very negative view of manners. I was taught manners and forced to use them. But I didn’t understand what they were for. To my 10-year-old self, manners felt like a form of social control, rules dreamed up by adults who felt driven to make kids...
This article was inspired by Dr. Shanker’s keynote lecture at the 2017 Self-Reg Summer Symposium. Learn more about SRSS here. If you’ve ever seen Stuart Shanker give a talk you’ll notice a couple of things before long. First, he never sticks to his script....