Tantrum vs. Dysregulation
Of the many distinctions that Self-Reg draws, one of the most important is between tantrum and dysregulation. A tantrum is seen as, sometimes as involuntary: i.e. not something that the child can inhibit. And sometimes as voluntary: i.e., something that the child could stop if they should so choose. But it is almost always seen as intentional: i.e., done for a purpose.
Defining Dysregulation
Dysregulation is neither voluntary nor intentional. It is caused, not done for a reason. And non-voluntary: something that happens to one, virtually against one’s will. It is caused by excessive stress, which in turns causes homeostatic imbalances in one or more Primitive Emotion Circuits. RAGE is triggered, in many cases because SEEKING has been blocked.
Returning to Calm
Whether it is a tantrum or dysregulation, we need to help the child return to calm. Not by acceding to whatever it is the child was SEEKING, but by turning off the stress-response. We do so by triggering the release of oxytocin: perhaps by soothing voice and touch, or simply a calming presence.
One of the most interesting aspects of the tantrum/dysregulation distinction is that it does not simply apply to young children.
Dysregulation can rear its head at any time. Defining dysregulation early and return to calm before explosive stress behaviours by learning and applying Self-Reg. Here’s a few great places to start:
- Self-Reg Podcasts
- Low Cost Self-Paced Courses – Whether it is time or money that is a constraint, there’s a course to fit everyone!
- Facilitated Self-Reg Certificate Programs
20 Comments
Always speak to the student the way you want to be spoken to. Treat them with the outmost respect so they have a chance at going about there day and succeeding with whatever is in front of them and so forth.
Such a great point Tan! Sometimes I find that adults are also dysregulated. I will count myself in this too at times. What are things that we can do to help ourselves so that we can also help kids?
Aviva
I like that we are separating tantrum from dysregulation. One being in some cases voluntary and that dysregulation is absolute not a voluntary response but rather a stressor response.
Thanks Kim! I like your thinking here. How do you decide when it is a stress response? I would love to hear more of your thoughts.
Aviva
I wonder if I were to ask myself “Does this behaviour make sense?” Prior to responding to the stress response or tantrum. Or maybe even in the debrief I could gain a better understanding of the behaviour. What I’m saying is always respond with soft eyes as that is never the wrong response.
Thanks for your comment! I like the idea of looking at behaviour through soft eyes. It’s an interesting question to ask yourself about if the behaviour makes sense. I wonder if you might add, “does this behaviour make sense when viewed through the eyes of the child?” It’s almost like we have to take on their perspective to figure out their why. What do you think?
Aviva
I like this reframe of dysregulation versus tantrum period I think the intent on the student’s part is so important to be aware of .
Thanks Loraie! I absolutely agree with you here. I wonder if this reframe has us looking more at the “why” and stress behaviour vs. misbehaviour. What do you think? How might this reframe help us respond to tantrums differently? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Aviva
its kinda of like as adults but do the same for children as adults, you treat people the way you would want to be treated, to be understood and not scolded or reprimanded for actions or feelings.
This is an interesting way of looking at it, Jeanette! I wonder if this helps build empathy for kids. Thoughts?
Aviva
Tantrum vs. Dysregulation; love this article because it gives us a clear understanding of both terms. Soothing voice or touch can bring a child back to calm. I enjoyed this article.
Thanks for the comment, Baljit! Was there something included in here that you think might influence some decisions that you make? I would love to hear.
Aviva
The way those terms of Tantrum and Dysregulation is defined is very helpful for understanding those concepts. I also like the strategy of helping student to calming their dysregulated behaviour.
Thanks for your comment, Nikita! How do you see using this strategy? I would love to hear.
Aviva
My biggest takeaway from this article is understanding the difference between a tantrum and dysregulation. Dysregulation is not something a child chooses — it happens because they are overwhelmed with stress. This really changes how I see behaviour. Instead of thinking a child is doing something on purpose, I can think about what stress might be causing it. The goal is not to punish, but to help them return to calm. And I like the idea that calm really does create more calm.
Thanks for your comment, Kavya! I love how you share your new learning here. How do you see yourself slowing down to view this behaviour differently in children now? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
Thanks for the great lessons you are teaching us. I wish I had this course before being a mom. Then I could easily recognize tantrum from dysregulation.
Thanks for your comment, Sara! How might you have responded differently back then knowing what you do now? What advice would you offer to other parents based on your new learning? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Aviva
back in my country when something wrong happened to my kids i used this sentence, it was an accident right? not in porpuse, and most of the time my kids said was an accident mon, i never hear about the tantrum word until now and helps to me to understant better, more professional.
Thanks for your comment, Magali! Can you explain more of your thoughts here? What do you feel is “more professional?” I would love to hear.
Aviva