The final course in our Self-Reg Foundations Certificate Program brings the Self-Reg journey full circle, inviting learners to integrate theory, neuroscience, and lived experience into a deeply personal and applied framework. As the capstone of the program, this course emphasizes reflection, meaning-making, and real-world application—showing how Self-Reg is not just something we do, but something we live. By grounding practice in the five steps of Self-Reg and an understanding of stress as a dynamic system, learners develop approaches that are both evidence-based and profoundly human.
What often emerges in this final stage is the realization that Self-Reg doesn’t shield us from hardship—it helps us meet it with greater awareness, compassion, and resilience. As learners reflect on their projects, many discover how Self-Reg has shaped the way they navigate grief, fear, change, and connection, both for themselves and for those they love. The reflection from a Self-Reg Foundations learner that follows offers a powerful example of this integration, illustrating how Self-Reg can transform moments of profound stress into opportunities for healing, reconnection, and hope.
Holding Stress with Compassion: What Integration Really Looks Like
Reflection by David, a Self-Reg Foundations Certificate Program learner
So, when I first started working on this project, I didn’t realize how emotionally challenging it was going to be. Last night when I was about to post my timeline/essay I did a quick reread and realized it was about a 20 min read and it contained a lot more personal information that I felt was needed to convey my understanding of self-regulation and how self-regulation has impacted my life and my family’s life in such a positive way. That being said, I have spent the last 12 hours focusing on a few key aspects of this journey.
July – the initial diagnosis of my moms illness. My wife had just gotten back from helping her mom during her dad’s diagnosis and she had been home for 4 days when she received a call from my mom’s friend letting us know that my mom had been admitted into the hospital for a few days already and had been given the diagnosis, Leukemia. My first response was total denial. There was no way my mom who has been the beacon of strength and support in my life, could have this illness. But she did. I was in a spiral and we packed up and headed south. My frustration and denial was somewhat curbed with my brothers being there and the beginnings of a familial reconciliation. As I said this is going to be a quick overview of some of the major incidents.
The next major issue we had to face was my mom needing to move not only out of her apartment but from Edmonton to Calgary to be closer to my brothers as well as exceptional healthcare. For my mom, a strong independent women with a masters in English Literature as well as still working as a practicing lawyer, this loss of freedom, control and self-reliance, was devastating to her. Speaking to her on phone and hearing her frustrations and fears, I attempted to introduce her to the courses I had been taking about self regulation. In particular, reframing. This is something that the 2 of us began to focus on together. We talked about the fact that she got to come up north, she got to meet the kiddos that I work with and she got to be a part of our wedding. This led to further conversations about memories we shared about growing up (walking through the ravine in Bonnie Doon, eating Safeway deli take out in the floor of our Aspen Gardens house, soccer tournaments and many others). Now we had to focus on the fact that yes, my mom had to move and we had to get rid of all of her musical equipment, including her 1974 Yamaha Baby grand piano, which we have literally had in our family for over 40 years. My brother’s initial approach was to sell it to the highest bidder. My mom didn’t want to sell it to a stranger. This was another stressor for the both of us. She asked me if she could donate it to our elementary school. Wow! What an overwhelming, healing moment. The idea was brought up with the community, with the board of directors and they found a way to secure the funds to pay for the transportation and set up. We now have a baby grand piano within our community! This was a major moment and connection between me and my mom in reducing our stress factor.
Fast forward through to our visit at Christmas time. This was going to be a tough one. Although me and my brothers have somewhat started to resolve things through this, it was still going to be harsh. Seeing my mom so frail , my personal self-regulation started to become distorted and non existent. But then we started talking. She was using the concepts of self-regulation and she was feeling better, she met a boyfriend and she reminded me to do the same thing (not to get a boyfriend, but to focus on my own self-regulation). Then we had a full on discussion and we came to a realization that to this day is somewhat shameful for me to say out loud. That for me and my mom talking about what was going on, I was angry at her. I was mad. I didn’t want her to be sick. She didn’t have the right to be sick. She was MY MOM. That was my underlying stressor.
Since that realization I’ve been back to visit my mom and worked on this together both of us dealing with our different stressors, as I said I’ve left out a lot of personal issues on this journey. Together we’ve been looking at the whole Self-Reg Program and both of our lives have greatly improved.
For a wrap up, I just want to say from the bottom of my heart I would not be as calm, regulated and accepting of everything without the knowledge and insight of all of my fellow students on the Self-Reg journey. All of your opinions and insights have greatly benefited me on my Self-Reg journey and I’m eternally grateful.
