This blog is part of a final assignment on Reframing in our Self-Reg Learning Facilitator’s Program, by alumni Tara De Luca
Community is part of the foundation of a Waldorf school. Regular class parent meetings help to connect the parents to each other, and provide an opportunity for a common understanding of child development. This in turn creates the chance for a broader understanding of child development and allows parents to see past their own child’s experience, and to gain a more empathetic understanding of other children.
One topic that I come back to every few years is discipline in early childhood. There are some standby key points that I like to include when bringing this topic to parents, but before I hold the parent meeting, I dive back into research and theory. I want the information to fit my current class of children and parents, and to reflect who I am currently as a teacher. Right now I am a teacher who is incorporating Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg lens into my Waldorf early years program.
In previous years, some of the key points I embedded into the topic of discipline were: using positive language when giving a direction (say what you want a child to do instead of what you want a child to refrain from doing), using consistent rhythm and routines to help with transitions, healthy boundaries, and the importance of our own regulation in these moments. Since studying Shanker’s Self-Reg approach, I can see how all of these key points are really strategies around stress. Their purpose is to mitigate and alleviate stress for the child. According to the Self-Reg approach, we start this process through step one: reframe. Let’s reframe what is at the heart of this class parent meeting on discipline in early childhood. WHY do we discipline? Because a child was bad, or was misbehaving?
Shanker implores us to consider the difference between stress behaviour and misbehaviour. Shanker views misbehaviour the same way many of us do: a child is aware of their actions and has the capacity to know and behave better. Then he explains from a neurological perspective when a child misbehaves their prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for executive functions such as planning, decision making and social behaviour, is the area of the brain that is being accessed. However, when a child’s behaviour is because of stress, their prefrontal cortex is not actively working, instead their limbic system is giving the orders. The limbic system is the part of the brain that is responsible for basic emotions and drives, including the primitive response of fight, flight or freeze. Understanding WHY a child has a behaviour, in other words taking a moment to reframe why and why now allows the adult (parent or teacher) to assess if this behaviour is actually a misbehaviour or a sign that the child’s stress load surpasses their ability to self-regulate.
When Self-Reg looks at stress, it considers five domains (biological, social, prosocial, cognitive and emotional) that a person can experience stress in. Each of the above mentioned key points from the parent meeting (positive language, healthy boundaries, or our own self-regulation) can be useful to help manage the young child’s stress load. Let’s take a closer look at the value of consistent rhythms and routines. Many parents have experienced the black hole of time that happens when you are almost ready to leave the house for school, and then something like a lost backpack, forgotten lunch, or an uncomfortable outfit that has to be changed throws your timing off. Then you ask your child a simple follow up question: ‘where is your backpack?’ and your child begins to cry or scream. Pausing for a moment to reframe your child’s behaviour can allow a parent to see the possibility that the child’s over-reaction to is due to stress. Often transitions, moving from activity to another, can be a stressful time during which a child becomes upset or there can be a disagreement. Having a consistent school morning routine can ease a child’s cognitive stress load through having a predictable sequence the child understands. This sequence not only helps the child, it becomes a habit for the parent too, and in turn reduces their stress levels. Bonus!
If this were a class parent meeting, I would give the parents some homework, which would be to observe their child over the next week, and before they react or discipline ask themselves was their child’s behaviour misbehaviour or stress-behaviour? Reframing behaviour can change your reaction, and what happens next. Are you ready to take up this homework?
If you want to explore this topic further try checking out: From Frustration to Understanding – Reframing Behavior a blog.
