Seeds
Quilt
Haven
As we explore in our Havens 101 Professional Learning Series, a Self-Reg Haven is a place where everyone feels safe in every way: physically, emotionally, socially and culturally. It’s important to remember that a Haven isn’t just a location. It is people, places and the spaces in between, where Self-Reg comes first. Havens reflect those who reside within them, and thus no two havens are the same. Below are 5 things to look for as signs of a Self-Reg Haven.
Safe
You feel safe in the space and all the signs that others feel the same way are there too. This does not mean there is no conflict. Rather, it means that when something happens, the responsive supports are there—for children and adults alike. Instead of feeling an edge of tension in the air in the staff room, you will regularly see smiles and hear laughter. You will experience signs of caring and kindness. While you will hear about bad days and mistakes and hard lessons learned, there are no wrong turns for anyone. Look within the adult-child interactions to find the signs of a Haven that is oriented to creating and cueing safety.
Rooted
You feel a sense of the place. This school could not be re-created in another location. People are connected to the land beneath their feet and the environment that surrounds the school. They may have reclaimed a space in a creative way. Maybe there is student art displayed and designs over concrete. Maybe vertical gardens have been created where the air needs nature brought in. There is a sense of the history, the community, and the culture of the school that grounds everyone. You will see signs on the walls of the “family” who live their days together. The school will not feel institutional, nor will the power reside solely in the hands of the adults. What makes for meaningful roots will not be decided by others (who may mean well). It will be decided by the students, their families, and the community.
Balanced
You feel a healthy energy for learning and education coming from the children and adults in the school. Some of this energy is within individuals; much of it is among and between people. Everyone is connected. Care has been taken to identify hidden stressors across all five domains and to dial tension down for children and adults alike. The space has diverse ways to restore energy throughout the day. You will notice staff who are supportive of one another taking opportunities to restore with their students or for themselves.
The language of self-control (such as “make better choices” or “try harder”) is diminished. You will not hear teachers vocalizing frustrations, thinking administrators went “easy” on a child. They will recognize the difference between stress behaviour and misbehaviour and will understand the principal’s response. Further, you will find administrators seeking creative ways to support educators’ balance with opportunities to restore—and a safe space sense where everyone can ask for what they need.
Capable
You see confidence and competence everywhere. This does not mean you see perfection or expertise in every area, but you do see a social ecology of people—children, staff, families—contributing their strengths and skills in healthyand interdependence-promoting ways. No one “owns” all the decisions. The risk-taking outcomes sought for students are equally valued for the school team.
Deterministic thinking—that deeply ingrained sense that a student’s trajectory is fixed—is caught and recognized as an opportunity for digging deeper to unearth the roots of the beliefs and reframe them with science. Learning and development are scaffolded—whether it relates to a math concept, a reading strategy, research skills, social engagement, or team problem-solving. Being capable is always viewed as within reach for everyone. Nurturing strengths is just how things are done. Challenging areas, whatever part of school life they fall into, begin with a Self-Reg first mindset—reframing behaviour, stress detecting then dialling down, and restoring energy and balance across all five domains.
Trusted
Everyone is trusted: trusted to be, feel, and act safe; trusted to be part of the rooting of the school community; trusted to seek balance and to know what and when they need to rebalance; trusted to be a capable person; and trusted to find their way to the supports they need when they need them. Does this mean that there aren’t any challenges or that students instantly became responsible and reliable the minute a school shifts to trusting all? No, of course not. When we don’t trust, we limit what is possible.
When someone is struggling, they get what they need to support their strengths, their goals, and their journey. Sometimes that may mean a break from the work to focus on restoring balance. The trust is also in the best of intentions of the children and adults and the wisdom of the brain and body. Maladaptive self-regulation is still self-regulation, and when we see it for what it is, the trust in the intentions comes easier—even those situations in which there is a safety issue at the core. Trust encompasses the power of diversity, a strength-based lens, recognition of the human need for connection and contribution, and the journey from regulation to co-regulation to self-regulation and back to co-regulation.
Dive Deeper
Drs Susan Hopkins & Stuart Shanker first published the 5 Look-Fors of a Self-Reg Haven in the Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators. Explore the Seeds, Sunrise, Quilt & Haven Self-Reg Journeys in this handbook. The Foundations Certificate Program and the Leadership for Self-Reg Schools Certificate Program are great places to start!
It would be nice to see more of a Self Reg Haven in our schools.
feel a sense of the same way are there too.
2. Rooted is very important to feel a sense of the place where you are.
3. Balance is when you feel a healthy energy for learning and education coming from the children and the adults in the school.
4. I love it when my students have the confidence to do well in their Math, this helps them to feel more capable of succeeding further on in the course.
5. Trust is very important. Without trust, you cannot to feel and act safe. Trust helps you to be routed in the school community.
Charlotte, thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I keep coming back to your fourth point. What do you think students need to have this confidence? What role might stressors play in the behaviour we might sometimes see? Thoughts? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I believe we have a good Self-Reg Haven at our school.
SAFE: our teachers and EA’s are very supportive of each other and of the students.
ROOTED: very important to feel sense of the place where you are at.
BALANCE: you feel a healthy energy for learning and education from the students and staff in school. Staff and kids being supportive of one another. Everyone is connected.
CAPABLE: you see confidence and complete every where. Makes our students feel more capable of succeeding further with their choices.
TRUSTED: everyone is to be trusted. We need to feel, and act safe. Trust helps us to be routed in our school community. When we don’t trust, we limit what is possible.
This is so wonderful to hear, Kathy! How does being in a Self-Reg Haven impact on you and your kids?
I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
Just the other day my son and I had a meeting with a family of a child who has been bullying my son. We spoke to the child about speaking to someone before he gets to the point of hurting someone else and how we were not angery with him but how we would like to help. I told him that if he needed to talk I would be there for him my son also told that he would be there for him as well. We spoke of him having a free time for himself a place for him to go and calm down. A safe Haven for just him, he agreed to try and so we went and found a place for him. If he wanted to talk in private he could speak with the school councilor and he agreed to give it a go. I told not to be afraid of speaking with me as well, That I would never treat him poorly because he bully’s my son but try and help him. So my son and him can find find away to feel safe together.
Thanks for sharing this! I wonder if this made a difference for the child who was bullying your son. You definitely seemed to view the child through “soft eyes,” and viewed his behaviour as “stress behaviour vs. misbehaviour.” What impact do you think this might have had on him? How did your son feel? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
Yes I agree that every student needs that EA/Person in there life that they can trust and make them feel safe. When they find that person or already have that person in there lives, they tend to be more regulated and you often see a different side of them. There daily routine tends to be more easier for them.
Thanks for your comment, Tan! I wonder if we can support more people in being “their person” so that students are not reliant on a single individual. What do you think?
Aviva
I had a student that had some Trauma related to school. When integrating them back into the school I set up a Self- Reg Haven for him. Which encompessed the 5 Safe,Rooted,Belanced,Capable,Trusted. It was a room or area he could go to independently and calm. He didnt need to tell me or the Teacher we knew if he left the class, he was feeling overwhelmed and he would go to his safe space and sit, I would wait outside the door I could see him and he could see me. When he was ready to talk or have me come in he would invite me in and we would talk about what he was feeling. This helped with his trust concerns that he felt nobody trusted him. After a few times he was able to independently go to either inside his safe room, or outside infront of the shed.
Thanks for sharing the story! It’s so great to hear about the positive changes for this child. Did the child continue to meet with such success? I would love to hear a more.
Aviva
I enjoyed reading this article because it showed how important it is for students and staff to feel safe, supported, and valued. When people feel they belong and are trusted, it creates a better environment for learning and growth.
Thanks Sara! How do you help students and staff feel this way? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I have learned in this life that my safe place is my faith in God. When I go through problems, I run to Him, and I feel peace. He is my shield and my refuge.
Thanks for sharing! How does this connection help you feel better? I would love to hear more.
Aviva