What if our children’s struggles are just the surface of something deeper? Reframing isn’t about fixing behaviour—it’s about uncovering the why and why now. As I navigated my child’s reading challenges, I realized her avoidance wasn’t defiance but a response to hidden stressors. Self-Reg helped me see beyond the struggle, opening a new path for both of us. And in that moment, a quiet rebellion awakened in me—the decision to question the narratives of “falling behind” and trust there was more to the story.
Reframing is a transformative practice and a consistent effort to shift your mindset toward growth and empowerment. It’s like being an anchor in turbulent waters, holding steady even when the waves crash hard. I’ve been deeply moved by the power of reframing and how it allows me to see challenges through a different lens.
As the mother of a lovely child who struggles with reading, I’ve faced my own set of challenges. Her struggles aren’t new, but recently, they’ve felt more overwhelming. Each day brought unexpected hurdles that made the situation harder to navigate. She’s been part of learning support programs, undergone various tests, and worked with specialists. Yet, I saw her developing a painful self-image. What was going on?
Eventually, a conclusion emerged: my daughter and I weren’t practicing enough. She wasn’t sustaining her attention or controlling her focus during reading sessions. Hearing this spelled out so bluntly in meetings with colleagues broke me. These weren’t just her teachers; they were also my colleagues, and their words triggered a flood of emotions. As a full-time working single mom, I already felt stretched thin. Now, I felt judged, perceived as someone not doing enough for her child. The stress across five interrelated domains; biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial, was crashing into each other.
I had to make a choice: I could blame her teachers, the school, or the curriculum. I could push for endless meetings, enforce rigid practice routines, and unknowingly damage our relationship. But reframing changed everything. This is where my quiet rebellion began with my decision to see the situation differently. Through my Self-Reg journey, I reminded myself, both logically and emotionally, that there had to be more. Why was she struggling with long words, skipping over them, or inventing words that didn’t fit? Why did she spell out even the shortest words?
I began to look deeper, asking “why” and “why now” questions to uncover the stressors beneath the surface. I realized she avoided long words not only because they caused cognitive stress but also because of something else or more pointed subtle physical cues: her sagging posture as she picked up a new book, her softening voice when she began to read, and more. I described these observations to her without judgment and asked for her help in understanding the “why.”
After a heartfelt conversation, she shared that she didn’t feel like she was “doing it right.” Her experiences during school or at home reading practices left her feeling like she was falling behind, eroding her self-image over time. When it was time to read, her emotions took over. The stress triggered avoidance, making it impossible for her to focus as she might have otherwise. She was caught in a cycle of comparison and feeling “not good enough,” with stressors invading her mind and body. Her Red Brain was overpowering her Blue Brain, leaving no space to calm down or learn.
But here’s the breakthrough: as I shared with her the concept of balancing the Red and Blue Brain, she began to see a way forward. One day, she came home and proudly said, “Mom, I’ve been bringing back my space to learn,” followed by more words to explain how she felt connected to what she was doing. That moment marked the start of her blossoming. The pride and joy in her eyes were priceless; a memory I will cherish forever. The progress I saw in her was deeply meaningful.
For me, reframing is about being gently rebellious; challenging the beliefs we’ve internalized about learning and growth. It’s about refusing to accept the narratives that point only to limitations. Reframing shifted my emotional response, helping me see that a different path was possible.
It’s a bumpy road, but it feels right; a creative and compassionate way to rewrite the deeply ingrained patterns in our minds. Reframing has become my anchor, a practice that keeps me grounded and hopeful.
