What Happens When “Soft Eyes” Are Not Enough

There is a phrase that circulates in Self-Reg communities: “soft eyes.” It is a reminder to look at a child’s behaviour with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment. It is a good reminder. An important one.

And it is never the whole answer.

At some point, most educators and early childhood professionals arrive at a moment where they have genuinely tried to reframe. They have looked for the stress beneath the behaviour, they have adjusted their voice and their pace, they have read the room. And the child is still melting down. The bullying is still happening. The shutdown is still complete.

What then?

When Reframing Is Not Enough

This is the question that Susan Hopkins and Cathy Lethbridge are going to dig into together at the symposium in a session called “When Soft Eyes Are Not Enough.” It is one of the most honest conversations in the program, because it names something that practitioners need to hear: reframing is essential, but reframing alone is not the intervention.

Understanding What Comes Next

Self-Reg gives us language for what comes next, specifically through Jaak Panksepp’s work on the subcortical circuits that drive connection and threat response. Understanding these circuits helps us see why certain behaviours are so persistent, and what kinds of relational conditions actually create the opening for something to shift.

Creating the Conditions for Change

This is where the deeper work happens. Not in single strategies, but in the ongoing building of the relational environment that makes a child feel safe enough to try again.

It takes time. It takes skill. And it takes exactly the kind of learning community this gathering is designed to be.

Sessions related to this post:

• July 8, 12:45 PM Block 3: When Soft Eyes Are Not Enough, Susan Hopkins and Cathy Lethbridge
• July 8, 12:45 PM Block 3: Co-Regulation with Adolescents: Re-Establishing Interbrain Connection, Trisha Mendoza
• July 7, 3:00 PM Block 5: We Didn’t Expect That to Work, But It Did (Panel), hosted by Susan Hopkins

Join us for the 12th annual Self-Reg Summer Symposium at Trent University – live in person for the full embodied experience, and online with key sessions live-streamed worldwide – to bust myths, practice five-domain Co-Reg in real cases, and leave re-skilled and re-energized for what kids need now.