By Danka Gula, a Self-Reg Learning Facilitator’s Alumni and Reframing Bullying Learner

The Messages We See in Public Spaces

Some time ago I noticed the following sign on the door of my local public library: “We want everyone to have a great experience when using our spaces and services, so let’s work together to make that happen. Please, treat our staff – and each other – with kindness and respect. Discrimination, harassment, and violent or disruptive behaviour will not be tolerated”. 

I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I thought, “I can relax while in the library, as I assumed appropriate procedures were in place to address any disruptive behaviour. On the other hand, I was somewhat sad: Wow, what happened to us, to our society that we need these types of signs on the entry doors to public spaces? 

What Disruptive Behaviour May Be Telling Us

Such a sign suggests that in our society, people have been experiencing (or witnessing) behaviours that made them feel unsafe, scared, worried, or maybe anxious. As a self-regger I wanted to “dig deeper” and understand: Why some people behave in such disruptive ways that people around them feel all these negative emotions? And why now? 

In the course Reframing Bullying I was able to find the answer to these questions as I learned more about the human brain and especially Primary Emotion Circuits (PECs) that influence homeostatic balance (or imbalance) in our bodies and show up in the way we act or react while interacting with others. I was especially intrigued by the word anomie which describes a community where basic social rules and moral codes erode. As I gradually added layers of new knowledge throughout the course, I gained a new perspective (and perhaps empathy) on different types of behaviour that I see and hear in the news; and possible reasons for such behaviour. 

Stress, Dysregulation, and School Communities

When we began to explore what may have an influence on our behaviours (thinking particularly about our stressors and difficulty to restore energy) I immediately saw the connection with a school community. I see each school community as a smaller version of a bigger world. Nowadays, many students experience stressors, and the relationships inside families and/or between peers can be rather complex. The experiences in such environments can cause a child or youth’s emotional dysregulation or lead to maladaptive ways of self-regulation. (Release of dopamine without consumptions definitely challenged my thinking in this course).

What may seem like an unprovoked physical or a verbal attack on a classmate, can be actually explained and even seen with “some level of empathy”. Is the student with disruptive behaviour responsible for their actions? What would be a “just” consequence?   I appreciated the reflections on the ways the schools address the bullying behaviour. Some schools propose “problem-solving” rooted in the belief that the control and punishment is the way towards successful statistics. Other schools begin to recognize that the way through co-regulation and learning personal and school community-based restorative strategies leads to more desirable outcomes.   

Signs of Hope in Public Spaces

Even though it might feel truly worrisome right now that our society needs to post the signs such as the following one in public spaces: “Words Have Power. Choose them wisely. Harassment of any kind will not be tolerated,” there is also the hope – the hope that Self-Reg is giving us “more effective and more companionate” way of addressing the problem of bullying (or any harmful behaviour). I know that by practicing Self-Reg (using great resources such as Reframe the Behaviour; Energy-Tension Metrix, S.A.C.K.; the Wave Self-Reg mapping tool; Body Chart Reflection Tool from Shanker’s Self-Reg Toolkit) I can contribute to building and strengthening the respectful and rules-abiding society. 

Reflecting on Self-Reg in Our Communities

I will be interested in hearing from others: Have you noticed similar signs in your community? What are your thoughts on the importance of having similar texts posted in public spaces?  On the other hand, have you seen any signs in your community that would promote social cohesion, co-regulation or restoration practices? One of such signs I actually saw in a school hallway: “This school belongs to all of us. Be here. Be you. Belong”.  Or how about this one that I have seen in a park: “Please, walk on grass.”   

Diving Deeper & Learning More

To learn more the latest science and exploring a Self-Reg lens to support safer schools and communities: Reframing Bullying Applied Self-Reg Knowledge Course