What Is The Real Problem? A Wonder That Reframed Behaviour.

For a couple of weeks in the summer, I am a site lead and coordinator for our Board Summer Camp. Just as I started going into classrooms today today to partake in some of the summer learning, I received a message from one of the instructors. She mentioned that a camper was very upset and had asked to leave the room and sit on the bench in the hallway. She explained that this camper felt as though another camper was not being very kind to her, but the instructor did not hear or see and problems and was unsure about the reason for the upset. I went to investigate.

My Initial Perception

I’ve had a few different interactions with this camper. Today when I saw her, she was visibly upset and telling me that another child was “bullying” her. When I got her to explain more about what happened, it seemed as though this other student did not respond to her in the way that she wanted, but was not targeting her. This camper was insistent that there was a problem and that all she wanted to do was go home. I will admit that I was feeling frustrated. My experiences with this camper is that everything is going well until it isn’t, and the problems always seem extreme. She was inconsolable though, and while the problem might have been more of her perception that anything else, telling her that nothing was wrong, would not solve anything. I decided that we both needed a quiet moment, so I told her that I was dropping something off to another group and would then came back.

When I Returned

When I got back to the office in a few minutes, she seemed a little less upset. This is when the student started telling me more. She explained that she “went to bed late” and was “really tired.” I asked if she wanted a place to sleep, but she was insistent that she could only sleep at home. This is when I wondered aloud, “Do you ever feel like this at your regular school?” This was the key question to ask, as this child had a lot to share.

A New Perspective

This child told me that she “often feels emotional at school,” but that “it’s better there because I have a different spot to go and calm down and I have some pop-its to use as well. I also have breathing exercises that I do.” Wait a minute! I knew that one of the camp instructors had some pop-its and that she would probably lend us a few. I asked her if she would like this, and the camper was so excited. Not only did this instructor lend us some pop-its, but I was able to also get her a bean bag to use. I said that she couldn’t necessarily leave the classroom, but maybe we could make a space in the classroom where she could go sit if she was feeling upset. She was so excited to co-create this space with me. She even made a sign for it! While I didn’t have the breathing exercises that she wanted, we looked for some together online, and got them set up for her to use when she wanted them.

A Different Child

This child went back to her group eager to talk with her peers. She quickly joined in on the group conversation about the environment. Best of all, when it was time to go home, I saw her leaving with a smile on her face.

I Almost Missed This Though

Due to some previous experiences with this child coupled by her tone, I almost dismissed her feelings. I was initially ready to tell her that there was “no bullying,” and to “go back to class.” It amazes me how one question and a request to find out a bit more about her school experiences, not only gave me a different perception, but allowed us to do some problem solving together. A new school year is upon us, and big emotions are not uncommon. I wonder about different ways we might be able to reframe behaviour and change trajectories for our students. This child knew what she needed to feel calm. I just needed to help get the items for her. How many other students might also be able to share what they need if we remember to give them a voice? Thanks to a student who helped me view emotions through a different lens today.