This is my 19th year of teaching. I’ve taught at 8 schools in our Board, and worked with hundreds of students. But sometimes, no matter what previous experiences you may have had, a child’s comment stops you. It makes you think differently. This is one of those times.
Yesterday, our school had its annual Terry Fox Run. The kindergartners participated with other children in the school. Leading up to the day, a few teachers told me about a child that struggled with the run last year. He was incredibly distraught and very reluctant to participate. He almost didn’t. Nobody knew why, but they prepared me for a possible struggle.
The morning started off fine, and as usual, we were about to transition from our outdoor classroom space to the big field, as we do each day. The only difference was that today, we would be doing The Terry Fox Run instead of a more open-ended exploration outside. Both the kids and the parents knew this though, and many were talking excitedly about the run … and the possibility of seeing friends and siblings in other grades. It was time to line-up and get started.
This is when the struggle began. This little boy wanted to bring other materials to the field. He didn’t want to run. At first, he was very insistent that he was “not going to run.” As I bent down to take his hand, so that we could maybe walk together out there and figure out the problem, he looked at me and said, “If I run, will I go to heaven?” What?! I was not expecting this question, and at first, I didn’t know how to reply. That’s when I asked, “Is this why you don’t want to run?” He quietly whispered, “Yes.” Oh my! I then said to him, “The run is just in memory of Terry Fox. It’s to raise money. But running today will not make you go to heaven.”
He nodded, but then started to ask more questions.
- “Why did he go to heaven?”
- “How did he catch cancer?”
- “Will I catch cancer?”
- “Why did he die?”
Big questions. Hard questions. Sad questions … and many of which are ones I couldn’t answer. That was okay for him though. He just wanted to talk. He needed to inquire. And I quickly came to realize how much stress was felt by this one young child. No wonder The Terry Fox Run was such a challenging task last year. Imagine feeling as if participating would lead to your demise.
This experience from yesterday makes me think about the Pro-Social Domain and how empathizing with a child often means seeing the world through his/her eyes. In the past, I would have been quick to dismiss this child’s fears. I might have thought that he had “nothing to worry about” or was “being ridiculous.” But his fear was real, and it made a 20 minute run into an onerous task. I’m just grateful that this child stopped and said something. That he shared his fears. But how many kids might not have, and would a lack of sharing have caused me to respond differently? This Terry Fox experience has me wondering how we can ensure that we hear more children’s stories, for often their actions don’t happen by accident. What is their “why?”
14 Comments
This is such fascination story that makes one wonder how many of our students have we suppressed such that they were never able to tell their story about why the resisted instructions involvement in some group performance or individual performances. This story reminds me of one student who came to the office crying. After calming him down he said,” That is one I don’t come to school because of her. This boy pointed at one of the Education Assistants. What would a Self-Reg Principal do after this revelation? How should I have proceeded from here?
Geoffrey, thanks for sharing this story! I’d be curious to find out more. Why does the child feel this way? I remember taking the Foundations 1 course, and hearing about when kids interpret tone and actions differently when stressed. Could this be connected to that? It’s always interesting to find out more.
Aviva
This is an awesome story with so many lessons for us. One, is the need to be careful observers be patience. Another is to be opened to listen actively, using both ears and eyes. I am reminded of a teacher sharing his story of a student who would always cover his face and moved away from him when he attempted to get close. This student would not speak in his class. One day he decided to insist that he share in the class, but he was not successful. He met with the student after class and asked him what was happening. His response was, “I am afraid of you sir”. He was shocked.
Thanks for sharing this story! I’m curious what happened next. Did sharing these insights change anything? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
What a an excellent example of misunderstanding certain behaviors because we simply don’t always know what a child is thinking. There is tremendous value in knowing that every behavior has it’s why. Taking the time to slow down, listen and ask the right kind of questions with soft eyes can make all the difference.
Thanks for your comment! I wonder how we might find out a child’s perspective more often. What are different ways that have worked for you and others?
Aviva
I’m glad I read about this little boy. I also can relate to how he feels. Yes, sad on what goes in the mind of our children. This brings me to one of our students. He was so sad and would get upset when it came to doing cards for Mother’s Day. He looked at me & said whaea I can’t make a card for mum. I had to stop & think. I sat next to him & said “it’s ok, you can still make a card for mum and put it on her with flowers when you visit her on Mother’s Day. You know he look at me & smile. So yeah, he made a card for his mum. This student loss his mum, she had taken her own life. So, we had to find a way of making this boy safe at school. Teach our other student reason why he sad or angry. Use nice words so not to upset him. His mum has been gone now for 2 years. I must say this boy has improved a lot since the passing of his mum. Yes, there are times where he will think about his mum, but he knows the school is there for him.
Thanks so much for sharing this story, Ana! I think it really speaks to the power of relationships. So glad that this boy has you and the rest of the school there for him. The story does make me wonder about special days. How can we ensure that all of our students are included? How might we reduce stress on these days?
Aviva
A great story for us all to learn from. Interesting that his teachers knew from the previous year that something wasn’t quite right for this little one but didn’t know at the time how to help. For a child to voice his fear and vulnerability to a teacher in this way must be because he feels safe. A reminder to think about the “why
Thanks for your comment, Lou! I really like how you mentioned the importance of the “why.” How can we remember to stay focused on this more often?
Aviva
Awesome story! I liked how they all noticed previously and how his teacher responded. The relationship was built, therefore he felt safe to talk to the teacher.
Thanks for your comment, Geraldine! You’re reminding me of the importance of figuring out the “why” when it comes to kids and their actions. Oftentimes this “why” might give us a different perspective. What do you think?
Aviva
This story or article uses the context of the Terry Fox Run—a nationwide event in Canada honoring Terry Fox’s courageous marathon to raise money for cancer research—to explore deeper questions children sometimes ask, such as “If I run, will I go to heaven?” The piece connects the physical act of running with emotional and spiritual growth, using Terry Fox’s journey as an example of resilience, hope, and purpose.
The “Self-Reg” part refers to self-regulation: helping children understand and manage their emotions, stress, and motivations. The Terry Fox Run becomes more than just a fundraiser; it’s a chance for students to reflect on values like perseverance, empathy, and courage. The story encourages children to see that running (or participating) is not about earning a place in heaven, but about doing good, supporting others, and growing as a person—just as Terry Fox did. It’s about the journey, the kindness, and the hope we share with others, not just the finish line
Thanks for your comment, Marata! I love hearing your perspective.You’re making me think more about how we can get kids to understand the point of the Terry Fox Run. How have you done this before?
Aviva