By Jo-Dee Duffett, a Self-Reg Learning Facilitator’s Alumni
I used to think I was dumb and a bad kid when I was in high school. I had always done well in languages and music but just couldn’t understand math and rarely passed math tests, despite studying. In elementary school I would find every excuse to leave class and would often call home “sick” during math class. This behaviour continued and got worse in high school as I will explain shortly.
My home life was less than ideal as I entered grade 9 and the only thing that was consistent was the inconsistency of it. I often escaped to my grand-parents place where it was safe, quiet, loving and consistent but this resulted in many days of missed school as they lived in another town. I was always able to easily catch up on missed work in every other class (even my science classes which is weird because of the amount of math that was required in some of them) but math class always made me physically sick and angry.
Looking back now, I was absolutely horrible to my math teachers! I think that the fact that my mother was a teacher and my then step-father was the Dean of Althouse College was my saving grace from being suspended. I would do whatever it took to get kicked out of math class daily. I spent many classes in the Principal’s office or in the hallway (usually, I just left and came back for next period).
I realize now, that this was classic stress behaviour. I had been told by a teacher that I was “stupid” when it came to math and that stuck with me and when this concept of myself combined with the stress at home as well as being in a class with none of my friends, it became too much and it was easier to “flee” from math than to remain in a situation that added stress. There were so many signs in several of the domains (migraines, stomach aches, emotion, cognitive and pro-social) but at that time I didn’t have the Self-Reg understanding. I did eventually manage to get my mandatory math credits thanks to some very patient teachers and an amazing guidance counsellor who said I could come and work in her office during math class as long as I stayed (quiet) for the lessons first.
I still feel like someone has punched me in the stomach when I have to do anything math related in front of people and could totally empathize with my son when he too struggled with math but I have made it my goal to overcome this and to take an active part in the math instruction at my school. Being able to look back at my behaviour and understand that it was from stress is so freeing, and although I’m not going to be the next great mathematician, I can do my part to reduce stress for my students so that they have the opportunity to thrive.
Like Susan, I too was “THAT” kid! And now, I absolutely LOVE “those” kids because I understand that they aren’t misbehaving – they are stressed! I now offer my office to students who need a “safe” place to work and while they are working I am planting the SEEDS of Self-Reg with their teachers and with the students themselves.
I am so grateful for Dr. Shanker and Susan for their amazing work!
28 Comments
After reading I know have a better understanding of some of the kids in the class room that I help in. We have a lot of kids in our class that act this way, I feel know that I now what to look for in the kids that this will help me help them.
Thanks for sharing Kathleen! What changes in response do you think you might make now? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I can relate to the struggles of students having problems with math. My son had a hard time with math when he was in highschool .It was like a fight every night when he brought math homework home. When he was in grade 10 math for the second time and failed the final exam by 1% . He’s teacher called for a meeting and that was when she said “that he worked really hard and would do good on the work but he would freeze on the exams.” So with the help of his teacher and a modified test he was able to complete the math class. He is now a red seal mechanic.
Thanks for sharing this story, Debbie! I wonder how our experiences impact on how we respond to others. What do you think?
Aviva
After reading this article I come to realize I was never alone in the same situations as others back in school on how others make a person feel. Also, on how a person feels about a certain class or classes in school. I can make it my mission (if thats what u wanna call it) to make sure I can help even 1 person not to feel like this or go through this.
I love this mission, Tan! How do you see yourself doing this? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I am working with the student who struggles with Math. It is harder during tests or quizzes. As an EA I take this student to a quieter room, allow to use calculator. I ask first to complete the easiest questions and then we work together on the remaining ones.
I love hearing about what you’re trying, Tatyana! Is it making a difference for this child? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
I know a student who had a very similar experience with math in grade 9. It didn’t help that the student felt judged by the teacher. I wasn’t able to discifer if it was the teachers tone or the subject. The only one who can uncover this mistery is the student. They just need a safe place and person to assist in co-regulating.
Heather, I love how you mentioned the need for co-regulation here. I wonder how much this would support students in different subject areas and different grades. What do you think?
Aviva
Wow. Such powerful story just reminds us of how important conscious awareness is of how children internalize our words.
It really does remind us of that, Loraie! How might this knowledge change our responses? What do you think?
Aviva
This is very helpful
Thanks for letting us know, Shannon! How does this help you out? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
I can relate to this article. When I become a cea I will know what to look for in the students hopefully I can help them have less stress about their classes.
Thanks for sharing, Brandie! How do you help reduce stress for kids? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
Such a wonderful story; it helped me to understand that we can be the safe place for our students who need extra SUPPORT.
Thanks Baljit! How do you see us being this “safe place for students?”
Aviva
Such a nice story; Its just reminded me of my school days when I was really struggling for staying at school for long hours. The learning from this article will help me to be a support system for students who are struggling emotionally, physically or academically. I want to be that safe place where students can coregulate their emotion, stress and anxiety without being judged.
Thanks for your comment, Nikita! I would love to hear more about the system that you see putting in place. Can you share your ideas?
Aviva
Beautifully narrated. This story reminds me of one of my students, she was poor at math. I had her for a really brief amount of time. I thought she was not attentive enough. Now, I can understand it could have been stress-related. I wish I knew that at the time so I could have helped her better.
Thanks for sharing, Sarmin! I’ve had so many of these same moments too. What would you do now in a similar situation? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
This short story reminds me the time I was struggling at school. When I was in grade 4, my math was bad too. I remember my brother told me that I am so smart and if I try, I can.
His sentence made me believe in myself and now if I see a student struggling with any subject, I will make them believe in themselves. Then they will shine.
Thanks for sharing, Sara! Have you ever found a student that still struggles? What do you do then? I wonder how Self-Reg might support this. Thoughts?
Aviva
This short real story reminded me of my childhood. When I was in grade two, I didn’t feel comfortable with math and I thought I was not able to understand the concepts of math. Now, I regret that in those days no body was caring about our stress behaviors.
Thanks for sharing, Sara! Knowing what you do now, what approaches would’ve helped you back then? I would love to hear more of your thoughts.
Aviva
This real history remember me when i was 8 years old and we had to learn the multiplication table before break time, we were very stressed just thinking about what would happend if we didnot answer correctly. On the other hand, i feel like this is changing now for this generation.
Thanks for your comment, Magali! What would have helped reduce your stress? As we move towards students quickly recalling certain math facts, I wonder how we can still ensure to reduce stress for kids. What do you think?
Aviva