Learning Self-Reg has been a journey full of surprises (and gifts).
Stuart’s work resonated with me from the moment I first discovered his writings in 2011. But one of the unexpected surprises was that somewhere along the line I realized that I was actually studying and learning about my own Self-Reg in the process.
Another surprise in my learning journey was the (sometimes humbling) roller coaster ride of believing I knew quite lot about Self-Reg, before coming to realize that my knowledge amounted to — at best — a droplet of water in the bucket of what there was to learn, know, and most importantly, live. Self-Reg was easy at first, then it became a bit overwhelming as I learned more and realized just how much there was to it. A bit of imposter syndrome and lots of self-doubt kicked in. The gift was moving through that and coming through on the other side into a very different Self-Reg “space”, that I explain in this short video.
37 Comments
Love that …a dance that lasts forever!!! Nice thought
I’m glad that Susan mentioned that at times he gets overwhelmed because I’m at that point. I’m was thinking wow this is a lot of information but hearing it from her that she also gets overwhelmed makes me take a deep breath and know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel thank you Susan.
Edem, you bring up such a great point here that sometimes we just need to know that we’re not alone. I wonder if children feel the same way. What do you think?
Aviva
Thanks to all that are sharing their feelings about all that there is to think about and how overwhelming it can feel. I feel some relief knowing I am nor alone
Thanks for the comment, Ingrid. How might we deal with these feelings of being overwhelmed? Thoughts?
Aviva
It’s a relief knowing that this process of self reg can be overwhelming to everyone. There is so much to learn and understand as so many factors play a role in self reg.
I agree, Amanda! I wonder how we support others with understanding this, but also with knowing that no matter how much we might know about Self-Reg, we can all make mistakes. What would make things easier for you?
Aviva
As soon as I feel that I have a good handle on this, I realize that it’s only the beginning of my understanding. That being said, I so much appreciate what is being taught. This knowledge can be used in strengthening every relationship I have with others.
Thanks Wendy! I completely agree. I’ve been immersing myself in Shanker’s Self-Reg for years now, and on a daily basis, I realize how much more I have to learn. I wonder if we need “soft eyes” for ourselves too. I’d love to continue to hear about your learning journey here.
Aviva
I feel the same way Wendy. I feel that Self Reg is an on-going learning experience and so much is to be taught in so little time. At 1 point I feel good about this and that I say to myself, ok now I’ve got this, and bang.. maybe I should look into that situation a bit more. Wendy, we can do this, let keep our mind positive and our heads up high.
Thanks for the comment, Tracy! I remember seeing a video in Foundations Part 1 in which Stuart Shanker talks about his continual learning on Self-Reg. I’ve come to appreciate that as much as we know, there’s always more to learn and different ways to view kids and behaviour. Maybe we just need to remind ourselves of this. What do you think?
Aviva
To evolve we need to stumble, fall, get back up again, reflect and start again. It’s definately a process and not a program.
Well said! I couldn’t agree more 🙂
Il est important que adult ait des attente developpementales adequateset propre a chaque enfant . Soutenir enfant
I can relate to feeling insecure about the whole process because it is very complex. However I do take time to reflect and ask questions as I go. I know I will make mistakes but that’s ok because I am still learning.
I can relate to looking on others with a Soft Eye. Its true that compassion, Empathy, and sympathy is present. I believe it make it a lot easier/ intentional for educators to try understand the Why,
Thanks for the comment, Ntsiki! I think that you make a great point here about the connection between “soft eyes” and understanding the “why.” Why do you think that at times, “soft eyes” can be a challenge? How might we help shift this view? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Aviva
Asking “why” allows us to see what’s beneath the layer – the roots. I really appreciate that thought process since I’m realizing that the more I ask “why” the deeper I’m able to get down to the roots and identify the stressor.
I appreciate that it’s a process – a dance that continues forever.
Thanks for the comment, Marianne! Can you share a time that asking “why” made a difference? Sometimes I wonder if it’s as we hear about other people’s experiences that we appreciate this “why” question even more. What do you think?
Aviva
I am learning with this course to go with this as a process, All what I am learning is changing my way of thinking and that we are not trying to change the behaviour but to understand WHY!
Oh yes Marcia! “Why” is such a powerful question. Thinking about your new learning, how is this changing your responses to kids? I’d love to hear more!
Aviva
I have some of the same feelings as Susan. I am surprised that I am learning self-reg in the meanwhile I am studying this coursel. but in the other way. I am thinking about self-care and prioritizing my tasks. For instance, I am studying in a library while waiting for my son to finish his swimming session. I value this “ me time”.
Thanks for your comment, Vivian! It’s interesting to contemplate how these two ideas align. Do we become better at lending our calm to others when we feel this calm ourselves? Thoughts?
Aviva
I agree, before starting this course i felt very stressed and discourage as I’m still pretty new, although as it went by i felt reassured and learning new things everyday. And i find that great. We shouldn’t be ashamed of having to learn new things and some of them i knew, was interesting to go more into details.
Thanks for the comment, Emmy! I completely agree about the importance of learning new things. What are some of your biggest takeaways from the course so far? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
I like what Susan stated about Students in the course begin to feel stressed at some point through the course and how we will continue to learn. Because I was very worried about taking the course, for one I haven’t been in school for ages and I’m worried about not being successful. Because to myself this course is very important to learn for myself and my child whom I am raising. As well as the Children in my work place. I’m going to be 61 and we never even used computers when I went to school and with this on-line course I feel I’m taking both Self-Reg and computers lol. I Had to post a picture the other day and didn’t know how but I got it and I kind off gave myself a pat on the back, But really I was quite proud of myself. I’m really enjoying this course for all that I’m learning.
This is so fantastic to hear, Yvette! Thanks for sharing more of your story. I keep thinking about what I learned as part of Foundations 1, about the benefits of “good stress.” It sounds like you are living this right now. How has Self-Reg helped support these stressful moments for you? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
I love the lists of stressors in the 5 domains this puts things in perspective for me. That every day is so different , The challenge of yesterday and the solution will not be the same as the stressors could be very different everyday and minute by minute. You have to be patient with your self and others. Work through and readjust your thinking on a dime.
Such great points here, Lesley! Can you share more about your experiences with adjusting? Sometimes I think we learn so much from other people’s stories. Do you have any to share?
Aviva
We have been making self reg a priority for a few years now. Our health unit started the training and I keep getting more information’s and skill. Children are coming to us so early in the morning and their basic need not meet, their stressors are many. The passed two years have been very challenging. It is over whelming and time consuming. How ever the children need us to be their as their safe , predictable, loving and caring people for them to grow and learn.
Lesley, you share some great points here! Knowing that students might be stressed, how do you respond? Have there been things that you’ve tried that work well? I’d love to hear more.
Aviva
A drop of rain in a bucket, this comment reassured me to not be overwhelmed, the experts in this field are still learning everyday as well, it’s a journey and don’t be too harsh on yourself.
Yes Tracey! I still remember when I was taking the Foundations 1 course and I saw a video where Stuart Shanker spoke about his current learning around Self-Reg. If he is still learning, then maybe we can all feel better about continuing to be as well.
Aviva
Aviva
En realidad es un proceso constante, continuo ya que uno no deja de aprender y de ir reformulando su propia trayectoria de vida, al inicio te encuentras con muchas preguntas, reproches contigo mismo, pero poco a poco vas entendiendo, procesando el camino hacia la autorregulación, nuestros pequeños nos necesitan calmadas, alegres, seguras para poderles brindar un ambiente cálido, acogedor lleno de seguridad para que ellos pueden cambiar el estres por emociones vivas, tranquilas que les permitan ser un ser humano con todas las hablidades emocionales para poder enfrentar los retos de su propia vida.
Thanks for your comment, Hilda! I love how you emphasized the importance of the environment. What are some examples of calm spaces that you’ve seen? What are some ways that kids seem to self-regulate? I would love to hear more.
Aviva
Wow. I am thinking about the children I work with and the behaviours I see. I am rethinking everything I thought I knew.
I feel a bit overwelled and a bit stressed. I need self-reg
Thanks for sharing, Ingrid. What are some things that you are reconsidering? Where might you start making changes? Sometimes starting small can help. I would love to hear more of your thoughts.
Aviva