Written by Self-Reg Alumni Jennifer Horrocks
Back in the fall, I purchased a green budgie for my daughter. This was my compromise for a dog. The pet store told me that it could take up to 100 attempts to get this bird into her hand. When I got home with the bird, I gave my daughter a quick primer on Polyvagal Theory and limbic resonance. Gentle movements and prosodic voice were paramount. In under an hour, she was able to handle the bird and rest it on her shoulder. The bird and my daughter were connected. But if you give a mouse a cookie, it will probably ask for a glass of milk…alas we now have two birds.
These sweet little birds were love at first sight for each other; and the second bird, Bumblebee, was able to demonstrate contagion quite effectively for my daughter. Whatever Triscuit did, Bumblebee did. Wherever Triscuit flew, Bumblebee flew; accompanied by my daughter of course. I made it very clear that the birds could not be free range, and could have limited time in the common areas of the home. I also made it very clear that they needed to be “potty trained”, so as to not find bird droppings outside of their flight cage. “Potty trained” is simply perching the birds on a houseplant pot, and they can fertilize my plants and we all enjoy each other’s company. Very ‘permaculture-esque’.
Fast forward to last week, after watching the content of ‘Reduce’. We were downstairs with the birds watching TV together. Bob’s Burgers was on, and Bob’s low tone of voice and lack of prosody set the stage for the multiplier effect that was about to happen. It was getting late, and everyone was tired. My daughter was especially tired, because she took her supplements that were inclusive of her nightly micro dose of melatonin. Usually this part of her nightly routine happens just before bedtime, in her room. As luck would have it, the birds refused the potty, and started flying and squawking all over the place. Much to my dismay of them not being able to rule the roost of the main level of my home. The birds were flying away from my daughter every time she tried to rescue them. My other daughter, who has special needs, was becoming quite dysregulated by the hubbub. The room became chaotic, and my daughter who loves her bird babies so much, began to scream at them and started crying profusely. Polyvagal theory was in the toilet at this point. I had never seen her react this way to the birds, and I was alarmed. She was getting aggressive with her babies, but this was quite obviously not a choice, given the Sandman attended our house ahead of schedule. There was so much going on at once and I was getting sucked into the vortex as well. All I wanted was to continue sipping my rosé and watch a mindless show. Intervention was required, but it had to be done in a very gentle way so as not to exacerbate the situation. Pre Self-Reg this could have been a complete Gong Show.
During the peak of Pandora’s Box here, I quite literally used the dimmer switch. I literally dimmed the lights, and lowered Bob’s annoying voice on the TV that couldn’t cue safety for anyone. Somehow, I intrinsically knew that if I turned off Bob entirely, it could have escalated my daughter to the point of cacostasis. I soothed my other crying daughter, and then got the bird carrier. Literally using the dimmer switch on the overt stressors got us all back on the road to calm. There was way too much going on all at once. Thankfully, after reducing the overt stressors, my daughter transitioned the birds back into their cage, and we were well on our way to living happily ever after; with a few manageable bumps along the way. After the birds were tucked in, we finished the episode of Bob’s Burgers and went to bed soon after, and I polished off the glass of rosé.
This scenario perfectly illustrated how the limbic system can run the show collectively, and how Self-Reg can make self-control possible. This scenario was clearly not a time to increase our stressors as we sometimes need to do. I could not imagine what would have ensued had I used a behaviorist approach and sought compliance to control my daughter’s behaviour and the birds.
